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  • Writer's picture~Kimberly Oden

Boundaries are Created not to Sever a Relationship, but to Preserve It

I didn’t know how much I didn't know about boundaries until recently. As I look back on my parenting years, I realize how little I modeled healthy boundary setting.😬

A boundary is a property line that defines where you begin & end. It’s not established to sever relationships, but to preserve them.

I just learned (from the book “Boundaries” that I’m only responsible FOR myself & nobody else, not even my children.

We are called TO love one another, not BE one another.

Our parents, children, & friends are their own person & we can’t 

👉🏽feel FOR them, 

👉🏽think FOR them, 

👉🏽act FOR them 

👉🏽or even grow FOR them.

The blessings & consequences they face are a sum of their own decisions. I AM responsible, however, TO my children & others in my life.

Peter reminds us to make every effort TO supplement our faith with...brotherly affection & love.

We are responsible TO help others bear the burden during heavy seasons, but only for a short season.

If destructive behavior is involved, we’re responsible TO create a healthy boundary that defines where we end & they begin.

What we are NOT called to do, however, is become responsible FOR carrying the backpack of their everyday burdens. We all have those, & on the daily, we are not given more than we can bear.

When we continue to rescue someone from their poor decisions, we are only setting ourselves up to have to do it again. It reinforces a pattern for them not to take responsibility for their own life & for us to continue as a counterfeit rescuer.

Boundary setting is hard. I’ve slipped into codependency land far too many times. It FEELS good, but doesn’t DO good.

When I choose to carry someone’s responsibilities for too long, I’m only prolonging the time when the person will HAVE to take ownership of his or her own life.

People who are angry about your boundaries are the very same people who benefited when you didn’t have them. Boundaries may be hard, but sometimes they’re the best way to love.

The bottom line is that we’re called TO love. I am reminded this morning that anytime I become a counterfeit rescuer, I rob the receiver of the opportunity to experience The Rescuer, Jesus, who longs to love them & be their Lord.

DANIEL 4:1-37

2 PETER 1:1-21

PSALM 119:97-112

PROVERBS 28:17-18


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