When Our Thoughts Wander into the Land of, “What If”
Last week as Markel drove me through Atlanta towards my MRI results appointment, I kept sighing. I felt my heart flip flop here & there, & I couldn’t get comfortable. The Dr. was going to tell me whether or not I needed surgery & if I needed to be concerned about the spot they found on the X-ray.
By about the 5th deep breath sigh, I finally realized it was due to the wanderings of my mind.
I wandered into the land of “What If” & was strategizing all of the possible exit routes. I chuckled inside because I was literally doing Olympic mental gymnastics & yet had no idea why I felt so unsettled. The brain is a funny thing.
This morning, I read Psalm 56. It was written by David while he was seized as an exile. He begs God for mercy, while confessing his trust in Him:
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You’ve collected all my tears in a bottle & recorded each one in a book.”
I learned that the word for “sorrow” was only used 1 time in the entire Bible. It means wanderings, mental restlessness, to flutter to & fro like an aimless fugitive 😳 Wow!
David spent much of his life as a wanderer. He knew what it meant to wander as an aimless fugitive & yet he also knew the God in whom he trusted. His God saw each tear that fell, tears from sins AND sorrows, & HIS God intimately collected them in a bottle & recorded them in His book 💕
David ends the passage praising God for rescuing him from death so that he might walk in the Lord’s life-giving light!
As I waited for the doctor, my mind wandered back into the land of “What If” & my eyes leaked. Its so easy to stumble over small sorrows. I know the Lord saw my mind fluttering to & fro as I stared out the windows of the skyscraper.
Markel was on the phone & abruptly ended his call. He said, “Baby, we can trust Him. It’s all gonna be ok.”
I’m teary now as I remember the goodness of God in that moment. He even collects our happy tears!
The praise is I do not need surgery & the other praise is that I stepped from the land of “What if” to “Layover Land” as I wait for my next appt. with an oncologist. I am praying like David did, when he proclaimed, “This I know: God is on my side!” Regardless of what we face, we can always offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to God because He saved us from death eternal so that we can walk in His life-giving light here on earth as we will in heaven!
September 12th One Year Bible Readings
💡2 Corinthians 12:11-21